Forever one sided in my heart
by bethspore4
Summary: Drama-verse. Shin notices Uchi has been acting strange lately and decides to confront him, but will what he learns shock him? Or is it what he doesn't learn that makes all the difference... Just a kind-of depressing one-shot I had floating around my head.


Uchi Centric FF – 4,272 words (about)

Forever one-sided in my heart

**AN IMPORTANT NOTE TO MY READERS: during the normal sections, **_italicized_** words are thoughts (as is my usual format). However, there are flashback/memory sections in this story where ****everything**** is **_italicized_**. In those sections, thoughts are within apostrophes as well as italicized, like so: **_'thoughts'_**. Please keep this in mind to avoid confusion as much as possible while reading. I apologize in advance if this format is difficult.**

One-shot

Shin watched with veiled interest as the bell rang to signal the end of classes, and once again Uchi didn't move from his seat. The room was full of commotion as their classmates rushed to the doors in a frantic bid for freedom and there was so much noise that Yankumi's voice could barely be heard. Shin could only just make out the words "homework" and "important", and "your futures" before she completely gave up. Normally, Shin would have been amused by this, but not today.

Today, Shin's attention was focused on his less than enthused friend, as it had been every day that week. He knew that if the others were aware that something was up, they would have mentioned it to the blonde by now, and they hadn't. Still, the subtle differences in Uchi's behavior could not be hidden from someone as keen as Shin, and after several days of careful observation, he was positive: something was wrong.

Uchi exhaled sharply from between his teeth and glanced around him at the quickly emptying classroom. _When had the bell rung?_ he wondered to himself. Forcing a characteristically cheerful smile onto his face, he grabbed his bag and jumped up, ready to join the mob of energetic students crowded around the door. He couldn't see Minami, Kuma, Noda, or…

"Shin!" he called over the noise when he spotted his friend, still seated in his desk directly behind Uchi's. "I guess the others bolted, huh?" He made a silly face accompanied by a less than school appropriate gesture and wandered over to sit on Shin's desk. Shin was staring at him, which was not unusual, but it made him slightly uncomfortable. Uchi fidgeted with the lining of his uniform, still waiting for a reply and trying to look anywhere but into his stoic friend's eyes.

"Let's go somewhere," Shin suggested unexpectedly, making Uchi glance over at him despite his previous determination to avoid eye-contact. Too late, he realized his mistake. Shin was gazing at him with a rare softened expression, one that he could never refuse, and before he could stop himself…

"Ok."

"Good," Shin said as he scooted his chair back, stood up, and led the way out of the classroom through the back door. Now that Uchi thought about it, he wondered why they didn't use the back door more often. The five of them usually lost around ten minutes every afternoon trying to navigate their way out of the classroom once the final bell had rung. _I guess we really are the stupidest in the school_, Uchi thought with a shrug.

While he had been thinking, Shin had led him out of the building and they were fast on their way to the restaurant district.

Shin was silent, as usual, but he kept throwing periodic glances at Uchi, who was also silent, which was unusual. The taller boy was not energetic at all lately, and seemed more prone to just sit or stand, or sometimes walk the way they were now, with a vacant expression that suggested he was completely unaware of his surroundings. Shin sighed as he stopped outside of a familiar family restaurant, their usual hangout. It didn't look like the others were there (at least not yet) for which he was glad. He wanted them to be alone when he confronted Uchi about whatever it was that was bothering him.

They seated themselves in the corner booth and ordered a couple sodas. Once their drinks had arrived and the food had been ordered, Shin decided it was time to pull Uchi out of whatever day-dream he was currently immersed in and get down to business.

"So what's wrong?" Shin asked softly, characteristically blunt and feigning disinterest. Uchi choked slightly on the coke he had been sipping and fumbled for his napkin.

"What do you mean?" he asked casually after he had wiped his mouth. Shin just looked at him and Uchi knew that meant Shin wasn't the least bit fooled by his charade. He frowned and slouched back on his bench.

"Fine," Shin muttered, also leaning back and crossing his arms in front of him. "Shall we play Twenty Questions?" No response. "You can tell me, whatever it is. You know that, right?" Still silence. _I guess I'll just dive right in_, Shin thought grimly. "Is something going on at home?"

Uchi made a dismissive grunt. _Well at least he responded_, Shin decided.

"School?"

"No."

"Are you being threatened?"

Snort.

"Something with the guys?"

Pause. "No."

Shin waited and watched Uchi's expression carefully, trying to detect whether or not he was telling the truth.

"Something with… someone?" he persisted, purposefully vague so as not to force his friend into saying any more than made him comfortable. Shin watched silently as Uchi's gaze shifted from him and he appeared to be staring out the window, lost in thought.

"_All right!" Noda shouted into the microphone. "We've got a special treat for you lovely ladies this evening… the finest young men of Mishiro Gakuen!" Uchi rolled his eyes at the name. Before long they were going to run out of nearby schools to pretend to be from. Looking around the room, his eyes raked in the sight of Momoyuri High girls, all eagerly awaiting the introductions, and he felt his mouth water. Kuma had been really great to set this up for them now that he was dating Ami-chan. Glancing over to the corner, he saw the two of them sitting next to each other and looking cuddly._

"_My name is Noda. Nice to meet you!" the tallest of the five shouted excitedly. "On my right, we have Minami-kun!"_

"_Nice to meet you!" Minami repeated as he stood up and bowed with enthusiasm._

"_Next is Uchiyama-kun!" Noda continued after the applause._

"_It's great to be here!" Uchi shouted, jumping up and waving his hand in front of him in a peace sign. More applause._

"_And lastly, please meet… Sawada Shin!" Noda finished, pointing down towards the final person at the end of the line-up. Uchi looked over at his friend and saw that Shin appeared to be trying to make himself look as tiny and insignificant as possible. Without getting up, the quiet boy nodded his head in acknowledgement, and Uchi heard all the girls sigh softly in response. Smiling, Uchi threw his arm around Shin's neck and pulled him in close to whisper in his ear._

"_Don't be so sour! We haven't made you come to one of these things in a long time, so be friendly at least!" Shin glared at him and pulled away. Uchi smirked._

"_Now, let's get things started!" Noda shouted for the final time. After selecting a popular song, he managed to get several of the girls up out of their seats to sing with him, and before long the room had become loud and chaotic. Uchi and Minami were working on a group of the girls together, playing off each other's stories in an attempt to impress them. Before long, things had gotten out of hand and the two of them were making up ridiculous things._

"_I'm applying to Todai University!" Minami assured them while slicking back his hair with one hand. The girls 'ooh-ed' collectively._

"_Well, I'm taking over the family business," Uchi offered, "and turning it into a top IT company. Pretty soon Uchiyama Inc. will own everything!" The girls 'aah-ed' collectively._

_This continued for quite some time before Uchi started running out of ideas, and glanced around to give himself a moment to think. Noticing Shin still hadn't moved, though he had been almost completely surrounded by girls, Uchi frowned briefly. Shin didn't look unhappy, just indifferent. As he watched, Uchi saw one of the girls slide closer to his friend and casually slip her hand up against his thigh. Shin either didn't notice or just pretended not to notice, but Uchi noticed. He noticed the way all of the girls were gazing at the shorter boy as if he was a Greek god chiseled out of marble. Admittedly Shin was very beautiful, but these girls were a bit much._

_Uchi felt an uncomfortable pang in his gut at the sight before him; an angry, jealous kind of pang. Why did girls all flock to Shin without him having to do anything, especially when the rest of them had to work so hard? Why did girls seem to think it was ok to touch him, and stare into his eyes that way? Uchi realized it made him angry. Maybe he hadn't noticed it before because Shin hadn't come with them to a group date in awhile, but Uchi realized he hated the way girls hung all over his friend._

'_But is that all it is?' a part of him asked silently. 'You hate it when anyone hangs all over him, not just girls…'_

Shin waited as Uchi finally seemed to return to himself and faced him once again.

"Sort of," he admitted quietly. "But really it's just me. Lately, I've… been feeling weird," he finished noncommittally. Shin continued to wait, hoping an explanation was forthcoming. When nothing did, he leaned forward slowly and stared into his distressed friend's eyes.

"Like?" he prompted cautiously. He saw Uchi shift uncomfortably under his gaze.

"Weird like… I think…" The blonde swallowed hard, hands sweating and shaking nervously. Shin noticed all of this and said nothing, but Uchi's behavior was starting to make him anxious too.

"I think I… might not like girls," he whispered so softly that Shin almost missed it. Pausing to digest this, Shin leaned back in his seat again and thought.

"So… you like guys?" Shin asked, trying to make sure that's what the blonde was telling him. Uchi seemed to think about it for a moment.

_Walking into the warehouse without Shin seemed like a stupid idea to him, but he followed the others' lead regardless of his instincts. They were all a team, right? Plus, he wasn't about to leave his friends to fight on their own; these bastards were bad news. They hadn't gotten much farther than a few feet in the door when they saw them._

"_Shit…" breathed Minami from beside him. Uchi said nothing, but inside he was thinking the same thing. There were at least twice as many opponents as they had expected, and while they may have been outnumbered to start with, now it was going to be a slaughter, without a doubt._

"_Maybe we should have waited for Shin…" Noda admitted after an ominous pause, in which the rival school started to approach. _

"_It's a bit late to listen to me now!" Uchi shouted, frustrated but pumped up despite the situation. If they were going to do this, he was going to be ready. He cracked his knuckles threateningly and tried to look smug, as if he wasn't worried. The others were almost upon them now. 'Yep, we are definitely going to get our asses handed to us,' he thought as he ran forward with a shout._

_Taking their cue from Uchi, the natural second in command, Minami and Noda also raced forward; Kuma, if somewhat half-heartedly, brought up the rear. From the first slap of skin against skin, to the first crack of a bone, the students of Shirokin Gakuen's class 3D fought their hardest, but the odds were just too great._

_By the time Shin arrived, the four boys had been backed into a corner and were just barely managing to defend themselves, though they were miraculously still standing. Not bothering to pause and survey the situation, he threw himself at the backs of the attackers who had left themselves unguarded, not expecting another person to show up. With superior, efficient skill, Shin managed to cut a path to his friends and joined them in fighting their way out of the bad position they had gotten into. With the arrival of their leader, the infamous delinquents began holding their own a bit better._

_It wasn't long before someone got the brilliant idea to use metal pipes as weapons, and Kuma, being the slowest, was the first to fall to their merciless beating._

"_Kuma!" Noda shouted, dodging a hit and diving to his friend's side. "Kuma!" He tried shaking him. One thump on his back later, and Noda had the wind knocked out of him. From where he lay gasping on the ground, he could see Minami being whacked on the side of the head and, reeling in the aftermath, tripping over an unconscious body. He didn't get up and blood flowed minutely from a nick on his temple. Noda turned his head enough to see Uchi and Shin still standing, fighting back to back, until his vision was obstructed by a pair of heavy black boots. Then he saw nothing._

"_This is bad," Uchi whispered under his breath to Shin. They were completely surrounded, encircled by the remaining boys who had already knocked out Kuma, Minami, and Noda. Even though Shin was the best fighter there, the two of them were still outnumbered five to one. Uchi knew their only hope for getting out of this situation would be if they could end things quickly with a couple precise attacks, grab the others, and then bolt. Shin didn't look too battered, but Uchi could feel a couple broken ribs at the very least, not to mention a whole collection of cuts and bruises._

"_Why couldn't you guys have just waited for me to meet up with you?!" Shin snapped, clearly angered by how things were turning out._

"_Oi!" one of their opponents yelled, clearly addressing Shin. He looked like he could be their leader, and was swinging his metal pipe menacingly. "You there… the shorter one!" Shin's eyes flashed indignantly. "You seem to be a very good fighter. I think we'll take you out first, right boys?" With one nod from the speaker, the rest of the group charged in at once and the two 3D students never had a chance._

"_Shin!" Uchi yelled as he was pulled away from his friend. Two guys forced his arms back and up behind his head as he struggled to get loose and help Shin, who was being dragged in front of the leader. "Shin!"_

_Thrashing as hard as he could, Uchi managed to free one of his arms and immediately swung around to punch one of the boys holding him, at the same time freeing his other arm. Two more came at him, and as he fended off their attacks, he could see a pipe flashing through the air towards Shin, followed by a sickening WHACK! Momentarily distracted as he witnessed his friend fall forward, it was easy for Uchi's attackers to immobilize him again. Now they also dragged him forward towards where Shin lay on the ground._

_With relief, Uchi saw the boy lift his head up and struggle to a kneeling position. Another flash of metal and the same pipe was brought down on the injured boy's back with a cruel slash of the rival leader's arm. Air audibly whooshed out of Shin and he collapsed again, his head turned to gaze at Uchi; a small smile, as if to reassure him it was okay, was on his face._

"_Stop it!" Uchi screamed, throwing himself against his captor's restraining grasp. He didn't want to see Shin like this. 'Not like this', he thought miserably. How could the strongest of them be so easily brought down? This shouldn't be happening to Shin; it hurt Uchi too, for some reason he just couldn't fathom, that Shin was being hurt. "Get away from him!"_

"_Shut up!" the leader shouted at him. From where he lay, still barely able to breathe, Shin could only watch helpless as the larger boy approached his imprisoned comrade._

"_No-" Shin exhaled with difficulty, "-don't…" Quicker than either could react, the metal pipe was brandished forward like a spear where it pierced Uchi's side with a wet snap. The boy let loose an unearthly scream as he felt his already abused ribs crack and break even further. When the metal pipe was withdrawn, it dripped with fresh blood; slowly the red liquid soaked through the boy's shirt until it stained most of its front. A look of intense pain frozen on his face, Uchi slumped to the ground, only just barely conscious._

_From where he lay, he could see Shin staring at him, his usually impassive expression gone, his mouth agape in horror. Uchi observed blood as it dripped from the side of his sometimes leader, sometimes friend's lips as he still hacked and coughed on the floor. Uchi's eyes began to flutter and he felt rather than saw blackness creeping up around him._

'_Shin…,' he thought hopelessly, unable to speak. 'Shin, get away from here. Don't-' His eyes parted slightly and he could see the 3D leader pulling himself to his feet with a look of insurmountable rage on his face before they shut for a final time. '-let them hurt you anymore…'_

_The next thing Uchi remembered was the feeling of someone pressing something soft against his side and he opened his eyes with a wince. From above him, dark, bruised eyes looked down at him worriedly and a hand brushed loose strands of hair from his face._

"_Shin…" Uchi breathed in relief, grimacing at the pain that erupted in his side when he tried to talk. He gasped in spite of himself and his friend's look changed to one of slight panic._

"_I'm taking you to the hospital," he said shortly, leaving no room for argument. Not that Uchi felt like arguing with that idea at the moment; his injuries this time felt much worse than the usual ones. 'At least Shin is ok…' he thought to himself. Panting, he struggled to keep the leader in his sights as the boy fumbled in his pockets for his cell phone. 'At least he's ok…'_

"I'm not sure," Uchi said slowly, now staring down at his lap. Carefully, so as not to attract Shin's attention, he lightly traced the thick scar along his waist with his fingertips. "That's what's bothering me. It's just… I have someone." Pause. "-that I like."

Shin's brain was working hard to make sense of what Uchi was blabbering, and after a few moments he finally thought he understood.

"You have someone you like, and it's a guy, so you're worried that that means you're gay?" Uchi nodded. "Would it be so bad if you were?" Shin asked thoughtfully. Uchi looked up at him surprised and Shin couldn't help but sigh. "You know, Uchi, even if you are gay, we're still going to be your friends. None of us would have a problem with it if you liked guys, or just this one guy I guess… We, or at least I, do however have a problem with you acting all mopey and trying to hide things." Uchi's lips split in a small smile; a real smile.

"Sorry," he apologized, and Shin smiled back.

"So are you going to tell him?" he asked.

"Who?"

"This guy you say you like," Shin repeated, rolling his eyes. "Are you going to tell him you like him?" Uchi's brief smile faded.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because he likes someone else." Shin paused at that. If he had been trying to figure out who Uchi like before, it was almost impossible now. Of all the guys he knew, very few of them liked any one person in particular. This was assuming the guy was someone he knew, of course. Uchi watched him thinking and wondered if he had said too much. Then again, perhaps it was only obvious to him…

_He tried feeling relief that Yankumi had finally showed up, but somehow it was hard too. Maybe Uchi was just reading into things too much, but it seemed like every time she came to rescue them, Shin would watch her fight as if he had never seen anything like it. It had become somewhat of a routine for Uchi to watch Shin watching Yankumi, or as Shin called her, Yamaguchi._

_He knew that look by heart now because it was a look that could never belong to him. It was a combination of awe and respect, but also what Uchi believed was genuine affection. Shin would always look at their crazy teacher in this way, and not just when she was fighting. _

_Sometimes he would turn around to talk to Shin in class, only to find him gazing numbly at the woman at the front of the room and ignoring him completely. On occasion, Uchi would sneak up onto the rooftop and see Yankumi up there alone with Shin. Usually they just talked, but occasionally Shin would approach her and make like he was about to-_

_Uchi had never seen what may have happened because he always escaped down the staircase at that moment, wrestling with the gnawing jealousy in his gut and feeling miserable._

_The now familiar emotion was back as he watched Shin's expression. Only moments passed and Yankumi had put an end to the fight and the six of them were leaving, no worse for wear. Shin abandoned his usual place next to Uchi in favor of walking next to their four-eyed teacher and Uchi couldn't stop himself from making a face. Minami glanced over at him._

"_Does your stomach hurt or something?" he asked, confused. Uchi just shook his head and dropped his gaze, determinedly staring at the ground._

'_My stomach might not be hurting, but my heart sure is,' he thought cynically. They'd all teased Shin about having a crush on the teacher, but he always acted as if they were being immature. Every time he denied it, Uchi would feel just a tiny bit hopeful, until the next time he saw the two of them together. It was always possible that Shin didn't even know yet, that he liked Yamaguchi. But Uchi knew._

"Kuma?" Shin asked, snapping Uchi back to their present conversation.

"No!" Uchi voiced more loudly than he had intended. The people in the nearby tables all looked around at the two of them and Shin ducked his head grinning in spite of himself.

"Sorry," he amended quickly, "I didn't really think that out." Uchi looked down at the table and realized that he had a cleared plate of food in front of him. _When had the meal arrived?_ he wondered. _Moreover, when did I eat?_ Shin smirked some more at the confused expression on his friend's face.

"You've been kind of zoning out a lot lately," he explained, again showing his propensity for reading Uchi's mind. Slapping some money down on the table, the dark-haired boy stood up and began making his way towards the door. Uchi quickly pulled out his wallet and threw some cash on the pile before following him out. They paused outside the restaurant and glanced at each other before heading down the street side by side.

"Thanks for asking me out today," Uchi said as they walked.

"Thanks for telling me what was going on," Shin replied with a smile. Uchi nodded. "Are you gonna start being the old Uchiyama again soon?"

"I guess, now that I know you're ok with… it," he answered carefully. _I'll try, anyway_.

Shin wasn't stupid. He knew Uchi was lovesick over someone and that it would probably take some time for him to get over it. Shin kind of wished Uchi would just tell this guy he liked, regardless of whether or not the person liked somebody else. That way they would get the regular Uchi back faster. But he wasn't going to press the issue. Uchi was pretty sensitive underneath his tough exterior, and Shin knew any guy or girl would be lucky to be with him.

Uchi wasn't stupid. He knew he would never tell Shin how he felt about him; that he never could. The other boy may have accepted that he could like a guy, but it would be much harder to accept that that guy was himself. Uchi valued Shin's friendship too much to risk screwing it up over something as fleeting as a crush. Because that's all this was, right?

_You're wrong_, something inside of him answered. _A crush doesn't cause as much pain as this_. But what was he to do? They came to the end of the street and Uchi realized that it was time for them to part ways, as their houses were in opposite directions. He waved goodbye to Shin and the two of them separated; one content, the other forlorn. On a whim, Shin paused and watched the blond boy's back disappear around the corner, briefly wondering what tomorrow would be like, before shrugging and continuing on his way. Uchi sighed as he walked, nearing his neighborhood.

He knew what he would do. He would carry this one-sided love with him in his heart, be there for Shin if he ever needed him, and that was all. It may hurt him more than he could stand at times, but it was a price he was willing to pay.


End file.
